Learning to Let Go

I appreciate the feedback I’ve gotten on the past couple posts I’ve published. Clearly they’ve demonstrated my frustrations with the “unknown.” It’s the control freak in me.

I bit the bullet and decided to go through with getting a Metabolic Test done on Friday. I’m both super excited and nervous. Excited for “answers” or help. Nervous for the possibiliy that they’re going to come back and tell me that (1) I have a slow metabolism (2) that I only burn some ridiculously small number each day or (3) getting inaccurate results. Writing that all out made me realize how much I let a silly number on the scale bother me. How in control I need to be. Yet, how out of control I really am.

I’ve really tried to let go last week. Last go about obsessing about calories and obsessing about working out. If I didn’t want to do a double workout, I didn’t. If I was HANGRY waking up at 4:30 a.m. I ate a little something before a workout. I ate out (not something I normally do during the week) and I didn’t stress too much about going over calories or not knowing how many calories were in what I was eating. I tried a few new foods, and it was kind of a relief.

I get so dedicated, competitive and obsessed with reaching my goals that I’ll do what it takes to go there… and just when I think I’m in control, I quickly realize that I’m not which usually leads to a downward spiral of emotions and negative thoughts. Luckily, I think I caught it in time. Instead of stressing and worrying about it- I decided to be proactive (hence the test).

My intutions- (1) I need to eat more (2) I need to fuel myself better for my workouts, especially if I’m doing doubles.

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Part of letting go was baking. I have always loved to bake, but have gotten away from it the past few months. I just didn’t find the interest in baking sweets – probably a combination of fear that I’ll gain weight and the loss of control I seem to have when I’m around homemade baked goods.

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It was actually kind of theraputic. All Friday night, I baked. It was fun. I licked a few spatulas and had a few bites of TASTY goods.

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I was proud of myself for making delicious treats to share and by not obsessing about how many calories was in the fingerful of frosting I just ate.

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It was a taste of freedom.

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This weekend we had company- which means eating out….  Something I avoid if possible (or visit my go-tos Panera & Subway). I ate the food I wanted to eat and stopped when I was full. I barely thought about calories (until dessert came around if I’m going to be honest). We ate a foodcourt and I got Chipotle instead of walking by myself to Subway. I went with the flow and only ate a few “special” (re: not what everyone else ate) foods. I felt really good about it, too.

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You’ve been photobombed of baking pictures. I thought it would be a great way to break up the heaviness. :)

Salted Caramel Cupcake recipe

Chocolate Chip Pretzel Bites recipe

Both are delicious, but the cupcake recipe might be the best thing I’ve ever made. Rave reviews from all taste testers! :)

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5 thoughts on “Learning to Let Go

  1. So much of what you wrote, it’s like a million memories and feelings flooding back into my life. I was literally in this exact same spot almost a year ago. Once I let go and realized I needed food as fuel and a few baked goods and meals out (in moderation, not every day), the weight started coming off. Good luck with the test, I hope it gives you some answers!

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