Hi friends! Happy Wednesday.
So, I was looking back in my blog for my pumpkin baked oatmeal recipe… and I came across a few WIAW posts from a long time ago. Back then, I was blogging daily and over-consumed with working out and eating within a certain calorie range (1200). I weighed myself regularly and definitely would let that number rule my life. It made me a little sad yet happy I am where I am.
Gone are the days of doing 1+ hours of cardio per day. Or two-a-day workouts. I’ve also found that if I don’t want to work out, I usually don’t. And I’m no longer working to “be skinny” I’m working out to be strong. My lats are bigger than every (thank you, pull-ups), my thighs are thick and my butt is bigger (I think, but in a good way) because of all the freaking squats. I can still fit into all my clothes from when I was 10 or so pounds “lighter” but they fit a little differently. I’m okay with that.
Gone are the days of being so regimented and anxious around food. I don’t count calories, I don’t count sugar grams, I don’t count carbs or meals. I eat what I like (which is healthy a lot of the time). I eat what I want (chocolate every day) and I eat what makes me feel good. I no longer feel guilty for going out with friends, having a few drinks (although it still stands that I would rather have dessert over alcohol because it is all about balance). Traveling doesn’t make me anxious. Not having access to “my foods” doesn’t throw me into a tailspin. I’m now striving for PROGRESS and CONSISTENCY over perfection.
Over the weekend, I really wanted ice cream. So Chris and I got some. I ate it and it wasn’t tied to any emotions. I finished it, and don’t even remember feeling anything other than satisfied. I have engagement pictures coming up, and normally I would be eating egg whites, chicken and vegetables to cut weight… but I just don’t care enough anymore. I just want to be happy (normal) and live my life without restrictions or rules.
I remember on my 24th birthday, Chris and I went out to dinner. I really wanted a birthday “treat” so we stopped to get and share two cupcakes. I felt so guilty for eating the cupcake that I am pretty sure I cried. If I didn’t cry, I definitely was so down about it that it ruined my night. ON MY BIRTHDAY. If that isn’t messed up, I don’t know what is. :)
I don’t know what inspired this change, really… other than I was tired of feeling bad about myself and my body. So here I am, 11 months till our wedding – and instead of focusing on diet plans and over-exercising, I’m enjoying it all. All the mimosas, trips with friends, meals shared… all of it.
I didn’t plan for this to be such a long post, but it was on my heart so I had to share.
Eat something yummy today… I know I will. :)